I have this thing that I do
after taking hot showers in the dark
during the colder nights
in winter.
Standing on the rubber mat in the tub,
I stick my hand out
into the dark
onto the cool marble wall
to fumble for the switch.
I pause there for a second
before turning it on.
With the age of my house,
I always wonder
for just a second
if I’ll get electrocuted,
fall and hit my head,
be found hours later,
bloody, burnt, and with a gape,
the same way some people
see themselves falling asleep at the wheel,
running through a guard rail,
into a large body of water, or off a rocky cliff
while they’re driving along,
fine and fully awake.
You, too?
Just before I flip the switch on,
to avoid death by stumble,
I make sure to close my eyes tight first
so the shouting light
warms my retinal nerve
slowly, right through my lids,
and I swear,
in those throbbing seconds
I can see the blood cells flowing
in all of its tiny paths,
reverberating, oscillating,
jumping around
like all the cells are in each other’s places
all at once wanting to get back,
everything in its right place.
When I prepare my retina in this way,
there’s no pain or shock
when I open my eyes.
– John LeMasney